Picture this before reading below:
You were extremely thrilled about a new job after having gone through endless testing and multiple interviews. You shared the good news with close friends when one of them just made you regret having mentioned it at all.
You were then asked about the details, you were about to answer that before he directly called your job a piece of sh*t.
You stopped talking when he continued to compare his work with your legal related work which was completely outside his knowledge, and kept implying his job being the superb one in the world.
You became smarter and remained silent, and he started to blame the “do-not-piss-me-off-after-getting-up” attitude for his arrogance and rudeness though you never said anything offensive.
You then tried to ameliorate the atmosphere as there were not only the two of you in the room when he threw back the words “no need” to your face like tossing pieces of bricks.
When you were doing your routine morning dress-up and sprayed your perfume, he called it a sh*t with the worst smell ever which stinks his shirt.
Fine. You may call him a bully. But he is not. You know him well, or knew. And it especially gets on your nerves when he happened to be a good friend of yours, the one that you had his backs when the whole world turns its back against him.
You are confused, and infuriated.
Before cursing or complaining about the unfairness, start doing things that takes you a relatively longer period of time, like writing this article, or going to work. This can always be a good way to distract you from getting angrier and angrier, which may at some point be strong enough to render you an outburst and a consequence neither intended nor unforeseeable.
I am glad that I held up my tongue even for a single second, which in fact saves me the regret and the mourning for my lost virtue of temperament. Arguments, as they normally are, start quickly and escalate into conflicts of an unexpected level in a skyrocketing manner. This is the spell, and is what traps people into non-stop cursing even hatred. Both parties desire to get an upper hand, or to have the last words until one flinches or has nothin’ to respond. Before that, the war goes on.
Among all kinds of arguments, which ranges from real argumentative talks to absurd and pure cursing, there is a kind initiated with confusing causes by an unreasonable person. Faced with person of this kind, be prepared: you may be choked by your own words of defense/explanation before you even let ’em out as he non-stoppingly argues back arrogantly until you have to swallow everything you intend to say. At this critical moment, you are at the edge of spitting S.O.B or b*tch right on his/her face (Oh I swear to God I was so longing to do this), yet you cannot, because this is when your ability of temper control is tested. Slapping him on the face or punching him would turn you into the bad guy. Control, there is no other way to go. Control, then he will be fighting a losing war.
You should never reason with him, you should put on your earphones and take a stroll out in the park. Even if he apologizes afterwards, nothin’ would remedy the damage done. He left a negative image behind and in so doing put on himself a label which reads “Stay away!”
The second offence may worsen the interpersonal relations especially when he has already apologized for his first offence, and has appeared regretful enough to let the offended forgive him. He then earns himself a reinforced and possibly eternal reputation of being untrustworthy, thus forgoes almost all respect he won in the previous success or kindness.
Have to stop here since I’ve arrived at my work place. Still, I used the time originally reserved for memorizing French words to write this venting-out article. Yet since everything mentioned above was not hypothetical cases, you could count on me that writing articles like this does no harm and helps a great deal to control your temper.
Should he be elbowed out by someone tougher in the future, you should not be surprised. After all, this result was decided long time before, and you were not the only one who cast the vote.